I'm Sparticus :3

   Herro Peeps I'm not dead and I'm still here Sorry had some emotiontional and techniqual problems The wedding went good also though most of the time it just feels like when we would hang out before as best friends haha. Well I've got some stuffs I'm working on and some that need finishing pronto I'll be uploading stuff throughout the week. So sorry for the delay of uploading and participating here THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING ME STILL I've also started my tumblr back up again and trying to figure that out but I'd love to get any questions or randomings. it's right here winged-wolf22tm.tumblr.com/ Have a good thanksgiving Holiday peeps
 
That's all in short. And just how I feel after halloween haha (be prepared to turn down the volume)
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LONGER STORY BELOW

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   The wedding went good there were some things like my older brother's sister, who was about two months younger than me passed away a few days before my wedding from a motorcycle accident and her cremation ceremony was happening the same time my wedding would. My older brother was very torn and upset and he went to her ceremony and then came to the reception much later that day. I would have like have gone had I know the ceremony earlier than the day before my wedding. So I was a bit saddened by her death and missing them spread her ashes.
   I wasn't super close to her but I was in good contact with her. She left behind a 2-year old son who her dad or my brother is trying to adopt while he and his soon-to-be-wife just had their 1st kid a month before. So stress of blah and feels on my wedding day.

   Other than that I loved it and had a good time. And it was the 1st time that, not counting my adopted/foster siblings, that everyone in my immediate family was together in three years THREE ALMOST CLOSE TO FOUR YEARS!!! So my parents were able to see their first grandchild and see their first kid get married. My brother said they'll get married next year. I'm still waiting on most of the pictures but I'll be uploading the ones I have throughout this week.

   Oh yeah my disappearance well after I got married it's been crazy trying to get his stuff moved in along with my stuff and some stuff of my family's that they had to leave way back when we moved to ND. We're renting out the basement of my gma's house to be able to go to the college near by and take care of my gma as her secret care taker. It the mix of it all the internet went out due to virus that was on the internet motem so I had to get my tech guy (My husband's best friend that I'm also friends with for a few years) to help me clean it out and fix stuff. Including the laptop that I'm barrowing.
   And the fricking little stinker that Michael, my husband, has been for all the years we've known eachother bought me a brand new desktop computer as a wedding gift. It didn't come till about a month after our wedding but I just came home one day and he had it all set up for me with a ribbon on it and suprised me with it. I just broke down into tears.
  
   For you all to know I've never once owned a new computer or laptop. It's always been hand-me downs or hand-me ups or barrowed for long periods of time. I've been saving up for a good gaming one for art work off and on for a few years and kept having to use my funds for emergencies or helping out a friend. So I thought it'd take me forever to get one. and out of 12 of gaming systems I own 2 were new when I got them. The rest I got as payment for helping out friends and family. I just don't get a chance to get unused or brand new stuff before...I've always been on the lower end of the money stick in my life...I just never thought I'd get many things new.
   Gah I'm bringing tears to my eyes but I don't know how to explain it to you dudes of how much in shock I was in getting this. I also have a hard time accepting gifts without earning it in some way or working for it. I'm also used to things not lasting long or having much securities in things for having it stolen or lost in an accident or just having to sell it to get by....I'm sorry I just don't know how to explain it of what I've gone through growing up and experiencing repeatedly.

   It took my a few weeks to be able to touch it and play around on it since 1) I couldn't believe that it's just for me. 2) Worrying about losing or having to sell it etc. 3) Thinking it wasn't real and just a dream. And Michael said that the only time he's ever going to touch it is when he set it up and from now on he's not going to touch it again. What did I do to deserve this?

   On top of things I've been fighting bad memories still and flashbacks and forgetting stuff....but they're getting worse. I've been having a hard time getting any or much sleep lately and one day I just had a breakdown and was a complete mess. Oye vay' I've got to get through this stuff. I'm also been dealing with my usual constant pain and depression that's trying to lurk it's way in. I'm tremendisly grateful and in awe that Michael still wants to be with me and help me through this as well and not turning me away for being broken...

So I've got some late prize work to do I'm a terrible person
and some other stuffs that I've been working on as well. I can't guerintee that I'll upload it all this week but I'll do what I can. I've also started my tumblr back up again and trying to figure that out but I'd love to get any questions. it's right here winged-wolf22tm.tumblr.com/
Have a good Thanksgiving holiday!